I come before you today to announce my retirement as a world-class weight gainer and weight retainer.  I have been dedicated to this sport for more than half of my life so, as you may imagine, I have not come to this decision lightly.  However, it has become clear to me that my passion for the sport has waned to the point where I am no longer the weight gainer and weight retainer I used to be.  I have always promised myself that I would leave the sport on my own terms when my skills started to diminish and I could no longer compete on an elite level.  Today, I am making good on that promise.

I would like to thank everyone who has supported me throughout my career, many of whom have been with me since the beginning.  Many of you have steadfastly stood by me as I have tested my physical limits, continually striving to see exactly how much weight a frame built to hold about 150 pounds could endure.  Some of you were there when I started by career by gaining a mere 40 pounds (going from 140 to 180 pounds) from 1984 to 1988.  Some of you began to follow my career when I was able to push my weight from 150 to 230 pounds from 1992-1999, gaining an eye-popping 60 pounds from 1996-1999 alone.  Still more of you witnessed my crowning achievement, again gaining 80 pounds but in a shorter time period, from 2001-2004, and maintaining that weight until about a month ago.  However, my recent weight loss, 18 pounds in 30 days, has made it abundantly clear that my days as a world-class weight gain athlete are numbered.  I am confident that I will be just as successful in retirement as I have been in my playing days.

I understand it will be difficult to give up something that has been a part of my life for so long and at which I have achieved so much success.  However, I promise that this will not be a Brett Favre or Michael Jordan situation in which an athlete retires only to be beckoned back to the sport by “the love of the game.”  I promise this is the last time you will ever see me on the field of play.  This is not to say that I have completely lost my love for the game.  There are few things that bring me more joy than Burger King’s Double Whopper with a King Sized side order of onion rings.  I recall fondly the many nights I derived pleasure from brazenly eating chocolate ice cream while watching NBC’s The Biggest Loser.  Finally, Philly cheese steaks from any variety of local restaurants are a love I will always treasure.    Make no mistake about it.  I have many years of fond memories of my career as a weight gainer.  Nevertheless, I have decided to forever direct my “love of the game” in a different direction.

Over the next weeks and months, I will keep you, my fans, posted regarding the goings in my retirement.  I will give you more insight into why retired, how I am staying retired and how I am progressing toward filling the competitive void that dooms so many athletes in their retirement years.  Stay tuned for periodic entries in my blog entitled “Dairy of a World Class Weight Gainer.”

Again, thank you for my support.  Without you, “there is no me.”